I saw something on Facebook today that got me thinking. It was a picture that said “You want them to be sorry, which is why you are miserable.” Truer words never said.
I think, to take it a step further, we want how we were wronged to be acknowledged by the one who wronged us. We want to be validated. No matter how small the wrong is. We all want in some way to be told that it’s okay to feel what we feel because it’s justified by the other’s actions and validation by the one who hurt us does that.
Saying sorry is not a fix all unfortunately. The words mean nothing if it is not backed by action. Giving a false apology to another is even more hurtful than not apologizing at all because the one accepting the apology has lowered their guard enough to be able to begin to build up that trust. When one false apologizes, it shatters that trust again which causes the other to hurt even more.
I’m here to tell you it is okay to feel hurt, and as long as you don’t take it too far by using your hurt to justify your actions towards another. Just because you were hurt by someone does not make it okay to hurt others. That’s just being an asshole, along with a bit of insecurities.
To be honest I have struggled with this. I have wanted to hurt those who have hurt me and I am sure I have a few times. I don’t want to be the type of person who lashes out at others simply because I am angry, which really boils down to being hurt. Yes, hurt = anger and anger = hurt. Learning how I react and what I truly feel in situations is a big key in learning who I am vs who I want to be. It’s a process that I can never stop because if I do, I rob myself the chance growing a little bit each day.
A Day in the Life of Nobody